I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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