Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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