it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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