Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
