Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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