I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize