don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize