She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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