and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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