Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
