About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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