Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
