i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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