i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
