he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
