I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
