I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize