im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
