So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
