I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you had me at cake vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
