Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
