Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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