What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
