I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
