I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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