His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
