Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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