let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
