I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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