I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
