i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
