She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
ok first of all what the fuck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize