I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
