why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
