I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
