matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
