Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
