U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
