Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize