my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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