I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
