We're facebook friends in real life
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
