Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
