was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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