I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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