Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
