I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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