So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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