Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Small penises have feelings too.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize