How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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