I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
