i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
