It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
