I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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