I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
