Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
