I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
