Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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