The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
