hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
