Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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