Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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