When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
