No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize