Soap is not a condiment
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
