Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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