you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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