does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
