he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well you can't waste a boner
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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