her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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