Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
