i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
