So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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