The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
