FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
