I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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